Dear Tech Support: Installing a Husband

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as :

• Romance 9.5 and
  
• Personal Attention 6.5,

and then installed undesirable programs such as:

• NBA 5.0,
• NFL 3.0 and
• Golf Clubs 4..1.
  

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,

• Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
• Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
  

Please enter command:

• ithoughtyoulovedme.html and
• try to download Tears 6.2 and
• do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications:

• Jewelry 2.0 and
  
• Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to

• Grumpy Silence 2.5,
• Happy Hour 7.0 or
  
• Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend

• Cooking 3.0 and
• Hot Lingerie 7.7.
  

Good Luck Babe!


Tech Support

8 Ways to Maintain a Clean, Lean Ubuntu Machine

Once in a while, you may want to do some maintenance on your Ubuntu machine and clean up unnecessary files that are chunking up large storage space in your hard disk.

Here are 8 ways that you can use to clean up your Ubuntu:

1) Analyze your disk usage

The first thing that you need to do is to find out which files are consuming the large bulk of the storage space in your hard disk. Go to Applications->Accessories->Disk Usage Analyzer and click on the Scan Filesystem at the top to get it to analyze your disk usage pattern. You will be able to see instantly which files/folders are taking up the bulk.

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The 10 Most Mysterious Cyber Crimes

The best criminal hacker is the one that isn't caught—or even identified. These are 10 of the most infamous unsolved computer crimes (that we know about). 

by Corinne Iozzio

The most nefarious and crafty criminals are the ones who operate completely under the radar. In the computing world security breaches happen all the time, and in the best cases the offenders get tracked down by the FBI or some other law enforcement agency.

But it's the ones who go uncaught and unidentified (those who we didn't highlight in our Cyber Crime Hall Fame that are actually the best. Attempting to cover your tracks is Law-Breaking 101; being able to effectively do so, that's another story altogether.

When a major cyber crime remains unsolved, though, it probably also means that those of us outside the world of tech crime solving may never even know the crime occurred.

These are some of the top headline-worthy highlights in the world of unsolved computing crime—cases in which the only information available is the ruin left in their wake.

The WANK Worm (October 1989)
Possibly the first "hacktivist" (hacking activist) attack, the WANK worm hit NASA offices in Greenbelt, Maryland. WANK (Worms Against Nuclear Killers) ran a banner (pictured) across system computers as part of a protest to stop the launch of the plutonium-fueled, Jupiter-bound Galileo probe. Cleaning up after the crack has been said to have cost NASA up to a half of a million dollars in time and resources. To this day, no one is quite sure where the attack originated, though many fingers have pointed to Melbourne, Australia-based hackers.

Ministry of Defense Satellite Hacked (February 1999)
A small group of hackers traced to southern England gained control of a MoD Skynet military satellite and signaled a security intrusion characterized by officials as "information warfare," in which an enemy attacks by disrupting military communications. In the end, the hackers managed to reprogram the control system before being discovered. Though Scotland Yard's Computer Crimes Unit and the U.S. Air Force worked together to investigate the case, no arrests have been made. 

Click here to continue reading the article.....

Seven Client OSes That Could Replace Windows

1. Seven Client OSes That Could Replace Windows
2. Mac OS X
3. Linux
4. Solaris/OpenSolaris
5. FreeBSD
6. Midori
7. iPhone OS/Symbian/Android
8. The Revenge of Netscape

For the slideshow please click on this link